New Toy

by Derek Morrison

DandyHorseDraisineSmallI have a new toy and it’s very very light
It’s made of carbon fibre, and its lines are tight
It has disc brakes and an electric gear
Much better than the one I bought last year.

It looks so good I don’t want to take it for a ride
Messing up its beauty with splashes from the side
But unless I get it out there and into public lights
I’ll miss my five minutes of fame, I’ll miss my bragging rights.

It will make me go so much faster of that I’m sure
For my declining performance this has go to be the cure
So I anticipate improvement, my purchase will enhance
For it’s the same one as ridden in the Tour de France.

It weighs half a kilo less than the one I bought before
But that is reflected in the price, it cost much much more
But viewed rationally it made no economic sense
With each gram of mass reduction equaling 100 pence.

The same sum applied to my losing each gram of weight
Each 100 pence saved, reflecting less food on my plate
Would mean there would be much more to enjoy
From an improved performance on a lesser toy.

[To listen to this verse select below]

 

Caffeine

by Derek Morrison

N.B. Read in conjunction with ‘Espresso Delivery‘
(VeloScience, 5 February 2015).

CoffeeCupThumbnailTIn every coffee bean
Lies a variable dose of caffeine
Which blocks your adenosine
Thus raising your catecholamine.

With adenosine you can’t tell
But it’s present in every cell
It chills things down, makes you less aroused
You feel its effects whenever you’ve drowsed.

Catecholamines are for fight or flight
But they can make you feel real uptight
Adrenaline is one, that makes you act
From every day frights we know this fact.

With caffeine our cerebral vessels constrict
But you will still feel that you have it licked
In fact you may feel deceptively fitter
It affects more than one neurotransmitter.

Time to exhaustion can improve by a large amount
Nearly 15 percent by the last count
Sprinters and weightlifters need not apply
Slow twitchers is where the advantages lie.

As potassium falls within the cell
It rises in the blood which rings the bell
That muscle fatigue has just got pending
And lest you stop it will force an ending.

But caffeine improves the cell pump
So your electrolytes don’t get the hump
Thus blood potassium it decreases
And all muscle cell activity it increases.

Heart muscle should always respond to action
But caffeine ups its  force of contraction
And when it comes to your heart’s rate
Like blood pressure, caffeine can it elevate.

There’s debate about caffeine’s role with fat
Stimulating energy expenditure from that
But fat oxidation is more likely with endurance
Fast twitch muscle activity provides no such assurance.

And your need to pee may make you strained
Because sodium and water are less retained
But with time your body may adjust
So that this becomes much less of a must.

In theory caffeine could your airways dilate
So that your lungs can better inflate
But for that the dose would need to be high
And so for that effect let’s not try

So caffeine is a powerful drug
That you put daily into your coffee mug
It’s a psychoactive in a common bean
With some of the effects of amphetamine.

[To listen to this verse select below]